"It is starting that is essential when we face a difficult task." Tonight, as I read these words so eloquently penned by my dear friend, Kathy, I was reminded of something my dad used to say to me. Whenever I was nervous about something, or dreading it more than anything in the world, my dad would say, "Ab, all you gotta do is show up. Just show up, and let God do the rest." What a great reminder for my trembling heart! Too often, I am focused on the hows and whys of what I am about to do, losing sight of the One who "delights in every detail of my life" (Psalm 37:23), the One who will most certainly take care of the hows and whys in His perfect timing. As another dear friend, Rebecca, was reminding me this past week, sometimes all God asks is that I take the next step. Often that next step will be right into stormy water...and yet He still calls me to take it, believing that He will part the sea.
This week, as I begin a new season in my training to be a nurse, I will be stepping out into stormy water. I am nervous...I am excited...I am eager to see God show up as I trust Him to give me the strength to finish what we started together! I am resting in these wise words from my friends tonight, and tomorrow I will take my dad's wonderful advice once again: I'm gonna show up and let God do the rest!
What about you, friend? Where is God asking you to take the next step...to just show up and allow Him to do the rest? As I'm praying for strength for my next step tomorrow, I am also praying for yours!
I love this illustration...and I think it is a powerful descriptor of the lives of many Christians. Friends, I don't want a "safe" life. I don't want to live my life straddling the beam, performing the easiest and most comfortable routine.
In a little over a year, Lord willing, I will graduate from nursing school. I don't know where I will go or what I will do. I DO know that God will carry me where He wants me to go, and it's not going to be someplace safe. I'm not speaking in terms of physical safety, although He very well could place me in an area of "danger." I'm talking about the life many people, including Christians, fall into and can't seem to escape: A life of complacency, the "perfect" life with a white picket fence and 1.5 children. I don't want that life. I want the crazy life, the life lived in complete and radical obedience to the God of the universe. I want the life that does not settle for less, or for the "more" that the world offers. I want the life that lives simply to love extravagantly.
I stand before you with arms wide open...ready to go WHEREVER the Lord wants me to go. That could be a hospital job in suburbia, a job that would allow me to support other ministries in huge way, or to maybe get involved with something like foster care. That could be to the African bush, nursing wounds and loving orphans. That could be a job advocating for HIV+ children, or doing home visits to at-risk families. And I do believe that any work CAN BE ministry...God very well could place me on the post-surgical unit of a hospital, and I pray I would serve Him just as well there as I would if He called me to China. The point is, I don't know where God will call me, but I want to be willing and ready for ANYTHING. Am I scared? Absolutely. But I serve a faithful God, the same God who transformed ordinary men like Moses and Saul into Sea-parters and Heart-fishers...the same God who longs to do a similar transformation in you and me. Am I excited? More than anything. Because I know what God can do with a willing heart and open hands.
I have 2 requests:
1) Please pray for me. More than anything, I want to go where God leads me. He has been so faithful to lead me up until this point in my life, and I am confident He will continue to do so. Pray that He would give me strength to finish what He and I have started together, here in nursing school. Pray that I have the ears to hear "the voice behind me saying, 'This is the way; walk in it'" (Isaiah 30:21). I should insert here that there are some major obstacles God would have to overcome, should He call me into full-time ministry IMMEDIATELY. However, no obstacle is too great for Him! So please also be praying that He would take care of those details if He would like me in a place of full-time ministry. 2) Please keep an eye and an ear out for me. What do I mean by that? Well, I am really trying to search out and explore many, many different options. I have been keeping a growing list of ministries and job ideas to check out. You may think I am jumping the gun on this a little bit, and maybe I am. I just really, really do not want to miss what God has for me. So please let me know at bloomingloudly@gmail.com if you hear of ministry opportunities for nurses, or something of the like.
Friends, I want to leave you with a scripture passage I read the other day. I love that God's people just picked up and moved WHENEVER God moved! I want to live that way...with a heart so entwined to God's that I KNOW when He is moving and when He is staying.
From Numbers 9:
17 Whenever the cloud lifted from above the tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped. 18 At the LORD’s command the Israelites set out, and at his command they encamped. As long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle, they remained in camp. 19 When the cloud remained over the tabernacle a long time, the Israelites obeyed the LORD’s order and did not set out. 20 Sometimes the cloud was over the tabernacle only a few days; at the LORD’s command they would encamp, and then at his command they would set out. 21 Sometimes the cloud stayed only from evening till morning, and when it lifted in the morning, they set out. Whether by day or by night, whenever the cloud lifted, they set out.22 Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when it lifted, they would set out. 23 At the LORD’s command they encamped, and at the LORD’s command they set out. They obeyed the LORD’s order, in accordance with his command through Moses. (NIV)
I don't want to "get in a groove," where I love my life so much that I am unwilling to make a change if God should ask me to. I want to be ready--"whether by day or by night"--to move, to make a change, should God lead me to do so. What about you? Have you gotten too comfortable in your own daily living to be able to hear God's voice leading you in a new direction? I pray that you join me in truly seeking out His heart! I would hate for any of us to "ta-da!" before the Judge after spending an entire lifetime straddling the beam.
Disclaimer: Please read the entire post before sharing your thoughts. I would love feedback on the ideas I share here, but I ask that you be respectful in the way you do so, especially if you disagree with me (I am always learning!). Thanks!
I've lived my entire 21 years of life in a godly family, being taught what it means to be a woman of godly integrity and purity. I've read all the books, listened to many talks on abstinence, and believed from a young age in sexual purity. I'm noticing a trend, though...a trend in what I am seeing and hearing in the church regarding purity and being a woman of integrity, and I have to be honest in my concern over this trend and my own personal struggle in that vein. Truthfully, I wouldn't be surprised if this trend contributes a great deal to the hopelessness and "failure" many women {and maybe men too, but I can only guess!} feel in the area of sexual purity. Maybe you've heard the very things I am referring to, statements like: "Abstaining from sex before marriage...if you think about it, in the whole scope of your life, you'll only be single for a very short amount of time! Then you have the rest of your life to enjoy sex in a healthy way!"
You may be thinking, "What's the big deal with that statement?" Well, it's less about the statement and more about the attitude behind the statement, an attitude that says abstinence and purity is all about the future marriage relationship. It's easy to preach abstinence when you can slap a "you'll be married before you know it!" on the end. It's easy to preach abstinence when you can reassure and guarantee a beautiful marriage that will be founded on this gift of mutual purity. The question I want to pose is this: What if someone never gets married? What if he or she wants to get married but it never happens? What then? It's one thing to wait a little while for something. It's another thing entirely when you tell someone to wait FOREVER! You can't slap a "you'll be married and it will all be worth it!" on the perpetually single person. Herein lies the problem, I believe, in a great deal of what is being taught today in regard to purity.
Hear me on this: The goal of purity in mind, body, and heart should not be a healthy marriage or dating relationship. Certainly a healthy marriage or dating relationship can and should be a by-product of sexual purity, but in my opinion, it should never be the sole focus. If I simply "waited for marriage," I'm afraid I would quickly become disillusioned and hopeless when no marriage materialized. In the same way, if the focus of sexual purity is on reaching the marriage bed unscathed, then the journey to purity ends when a person gets married. In my opinion, though, the journey to purity does not end until the day I am reunited with Christ forever. Thus, the reason I choose to seek out and strive for integrity, cultivating a heart and life of purity is because of Christ. That's it! I'm not "waiting for marriage," I'm pursuing Christ with wholehearted devotion, and that means (in part) seeking to live a life of sexual integrity and purity.
Why do I bring this up? This morning I was blessed to attend the Women of Virtue conference put on by pureHOPE ministries {a GREAT experience, by the way...loved hearing Shannon Ethridge share her heart}. I listened to a panel of teenage girls discuss relevant issues revolving around purity and modesty, and I was disheartened when the focus of the discussion settled around technicalities. In a way, I felt sad for some of the girls, because I feel like they may be missing the point. I've been there. I've been through high school, followed all the "rules" (never even dated! I must be pure, right?), stayed away from negative influences, and cultivated positive relationships. I was "waiting until marriage." I was banking on the knight in shining armor to come riding in on his horse some day soon, so it would all be worth it, right? Well, it IS all worth it, but not because some great man has come to "rescue me." It's worth it because Christ has revealed himself to me in new and tender ways as I have shifted my focus to HIM.
Abstinence is NOT about waiting until marriage. It is about waiting on the LORD, building deeper communion with my Bridegroom, the perfect One who longs to be with me and know me intimately. No doubt, singleness can be hard. It can be lonely, and it certainly runs against the grain of our society. There are days when I long to be in a relationship. But I can honestly say that I would be content to remain single forever...Not because it's fun all the time, but because I know God will withhold no good thing from me, and He truly knows what is best for me. The ultimate goal of purity in my life is not a healthy marriage or relationship with a great guy...it's about knowing the Lord.
"And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord" (Hosea 2:19-20).
Yesterday I had my last final {cue sigh of relief}, so today I'm starting the morning in my jammies with a cup of coffee and this book:
I've barely started it, so I can't recommend for or against it, but I do like the first line on the back cover: "Praise is something we are, not something we do." Amen!
I want people to look back on my life and say, "She walked with God." I want to live a daily life of praise, of communion with God as I notice and experience and truly cherish the gifts He gives. And He does give good gifts, doesn't He?! I am realizing that we often neglect to thank Him for His biggest gifts--trials, suffering, pain. Seems like a contradiction in our world, huh? How can suffering and pain be a gift?! But the Word of God clearly says that God withholds no good thing from His children, that He works everything together for the good of those He loves. So even trials are gifts from a God who loves us enough to want to see us change.
On a completely unrelated note, I'm terrible at decorating. T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E. Kinda like I'm terrible with fashion, but that story is for another day. This made me pretty happy, though:
I've been doing some MAJOR spring cleaning...which is really funny, considering I live in ONE room...and really don't have all that much to my name. Nursing students don't have time to scrub toilets...unless they are on spring break = ) That vase resurfaced in my cleaning, and I decided to fill it with my extensive collection of writing utensils. It made me pretty happy. Go ahead, laugh. What can I say? It's the little things in life that bring the greatest joy = )
Want to know my plans for spring break? {Ahem. Just pretend you do, then.} *I want to eat some french toast sticks. I know, I know...I sound like I'm 5 years old. My mom made these for us a couple of times when I was a kid, and the other day I randomly got a craving for them. *I'm gonna hit up the old Windy City with my mom and younger sibs for a weekend...pretty excited, especially for some Ed Debevic's and a cake shake from Portillo's. Are you noticing a trend with my spring break plans? Well, I better add this one then... *I'm gonna try--key word TRY--the 30 day shred {with Jillian Michaels} workouts. I'm actually super excited about it. Who doesn't like not being able to get out of bed the day after an intense workout? = ) *I'm gonna spend some time with dear friends...it's hard to believe I haven't been home since Christmas. Lots of catching up to do... *Finally, I am planning on taking an overnight retreat by myself. I am so looking forward to some time away by myself to be with Jesus. I need it so badly.
That's about it! Any great spring break/breaking into summer plans yourself? Praying you discover new ways to live in praise to Him everyday!
When I was little, I was afraid of everything. If you knew me back then, you would know I am not kidding. Not kidding. I would lay in bed at night, staring out the window at the moon and wondering...What if someone climbed in the window? What if the house burned down and I couldn't get out in time? What if I got sick or had a heart attack? I lived my young life scared. Even when I overcame a particular fear--out of necessity, not out of choice--I didn't revel in victory. I lived in the oppressive state of fear...of distrust in a God I doubted to be good.
As I have grown in relationship with Jesus, I have come to know Him as the good God He proclaims to be. He has comforted me in the shadow of His wings, even while placing me face-to-face with the vicious lions of fear attacking my heart. I haven't always liked it...actually, scratch that. I've never liked facing the lions. But every single time He has directed me to face a lion, He has never failed to amaze me with His power over each and every fear that seeks to turn my heart away from Him in distrust.
"Fear keeps life small. The music dies and the joy drains. I've lived the strangle. What if I opened the clenched hands wide to receive all that is? A life that receives all of God in this moment?" (from One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp). I have lived a small life. I, too, have lived the strangle. I have cried tears of apprehension when faced with the diving board, all the while missing the exhilarating experience of slapping into the cool water and being enveloped by the joy of tasting the moment. I have moaned for hours on end, pleading with God to spare my life, all the while missing the life He has given me. Thankfully, God has opened my clenched hands. He has put me in front of the lions, requiring me to square off with the foe He knows will never defeat me. But, there are always new lions to face. And because God knows that our faith blooms as we find Him present in the struggle again and again, the lions often seem to get bigger and bigger...and yet, as we defeat them, they become smaller and smaller.
The past couple of weeks, I have given in to the strangle. My "lion" may sound silly--but aren't all lions ridiculous figments of our imagination? Aren't all fears irrational? Well, I have been scared--truly anxious--about my clinical experience next quarter. I've listened to the rumble {and wavered like Peter}. My assigned instructor was said to be a scary person, a scary person who supposedly makes the clinical experience a heart-death-inducer. I listened, and I wavered. I--momentarily--forgot to remember, to recount His faithfulness {like, what He did for me HERE}. I became Israel...stubborn in her forgetfulness.
Thankfully, God lifted me out of the water and whispered in my ear, "You of little faith...why did you doubt?!" Oh, friends. I am here to say..."Truly He is the Son of God." Today, after wrestling with God for days about this...after facing the lion and being reminded that God is for me {and if God is for me, who can be against me?!}...I found out that I will no longer be having said assigned instructor.
I don't always expect God to remove the source of my fear. In fact, I'm not sure He has ever done so in my life before....and I'm thankful He hasn't, because my faith in Him has grown as He has asked me to spear the lion {even while I quiver in my boots}. My clenched hands have been opened wide to receive all that is, to receive every gift of His...even the hard days and moments when I must remind myself over and over again of His forever faithfulness.
I am here to testify..."Fear keeps life small." Please don't live the small life, cowering from lions that are hardly a nuisance to the God who holds you in the very palm of His hand. Please don't follow my example and listen to the rumble, allowing the pressures of this life or those around you to turn your gaze from His face. Instead, join me in opening wide the clenched hands, in receiving the gift of this moment--every moment, whether it be good or seemingly bad--from the God who delights in you.
Lest you all think I am falling off my rocker, I want to reassure you that I am doing fine...great, actually = ) You see, hard joy produces the most beautiful fruit of all...a deeper, more abiding relationship with the God of the universe. Can't beat that!
Reading, that is. I'm loving some great books! I've shared some of the things God has been teaching me through One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp. I've also recently devoured From Ashes to Africa, a great memoir about a family's journey to their son. I'm slowly working through Celebration of Discipline, and if you like some mystery madness, I've loved some Ted Dekker books recently! I can hardly set his books down! Do you have any good book recommendations?
Crossing things off the to-do list! Yesterday I blasted worship music and folded laundry...I'm learning to love worshipful work! I remember my dad always saying that he loved to clean because there is so much satisfaction in bringing order out of chaos and cleanliness out of dirt. So true!
And, finally, I've been doing a little bit of this: source
Studying. Trying to regain some focus, remembering my purpose in completing nursing school. Starting in April, my schedule gets a little bit zooey...but through it all, I know that He will carry me through...finishing what we started together! To God be the glory!
It has been such a joy to have a baby around...I can't speak for the lack of sleep and such {pray for those who can!}, but I am reminded every day {by things like half-empty bottles sitting on the counter and the cutest little baby coos and that special baby scent} of God's faithfulness in bringing this baby boy home to His forever family. God's timing is always perfect.
On a much more solemn note, please be praying for other families in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. There is a lot of uncertainty right now about the future of Ethiopian adoptions (THIS article was released yesterday), which is terribly sad...there are so many children there who need homes and families.
That's about it...what are you doing this weekend? Please share = )
If you haven't picked up on the hints from some of my previous posts, the last few months have been hard for me. Healing hard, but hard nonetheless. It's not that I haven't been graced with a thousand joys, because I have. But there is brokenness between and all around and even in the joy. There are new friends, but also friends lost and friendships changed and loneliness in lost relationship. There is laughter, but also gut-deep sorrow over battles lost in a war I know has already been won, but who remembers the war won in the midst of lost battles anyway? There are beautiful memories, but also haunting ones laced throughout of gasped breaths and paling skin and sobs screamed...memories I often wish had died with the one who died. There is happiness, yes, but also grumpy days and plans thwarted and hours of cramming for cruel tests and questions about tomorrow and who can find joy in all of that mess?
I remember. I remember that easy joy is no sacrifice at all. Joy in the laughter, joy in child-like giggles and days gone well and gifts never-ending...that kind of joy cannot be contained. It is the joy in long nights with screaming babes and broken dreams and tests failed and fears crouching that is difficult to find and even more difficult to cling to. It is that kind of joy that promises healing, if I can withstand the breaking and cracking and honing that allows the joy to seep through to bring wholeness. Anything easy to find is not worth much at all. It is the hard to find that earns great worth, and I think, so it is with joy. Easy joy...well, easy joy is cheap. It's not hard to scrounge up when things are going well. But hard joy...joy that sings in brokenness...that kind of joy is of great worth.
I sit by open window streaming sunlight, and I ponder the familiar Jesus-story. He says to his friends, "Let's go to the other side of the lake." They climb in the boat eager, I'm sure, to move on to the next adventure. They hadn't prepared for the storm, though, the storm that shakes the boat and their souls and everything they thought they knew about their Messiah-friend. He's sleeping! Resting in the storm. Can it be? They wonder, does he know the storm is threatening to pull us under the angry waves? They shake Him, and He shakes them: "Why are you afraid?" [Uh, maybe because we're about to DROWN!] "Do you still have no faith?" [Silence. Souls shaken.]
I wonder, as sun streams in and feet move overhead and birds sing of spring coming...What did Jesus want them to do? If they had HAD great faith, what would they have done in response to the storm? Would Jesus still have calmed the storm? Or would it have raged on, them unmoved by fear because of great faith?
I hear Him whisper, ever gentle in response, I wanted them to rest. Is it possible? Is it possible to lie the soul-head down in the middle of the storm and rest? Then I remember that He promised them...He said, "Let's go to the other side." He promised to get them there. He promises to bring me to the other side, to carry me through the storm. He just wants me to lay down my heavy soul-head and rest, to live in a deep trust in who He is and who He promises to be.
How do I rest in the brokenness, in the angry words and shattered promises and dead hopes? How do I rest when I must search for joy in the difficult mundane, like a gold-digger decades too late, digging deep into the empty dirt for treasures stolen? How? Again, the gentle whisper: "You remember."
And so I do. I remember His promise {"Let's go to the other side."} and I remember His grace-gifts {the easy and the harder-to-sprout} and I remember His presence. He's here. He's here, in the grumpy and the smiles and the gut-wrenching cries. He's here. Sometimes I just have to dig deeper, to find the treasure of greater worth in hard joy. The whole time, I hum this line from song once sung: "The valley of descent has made me whole."
And so it will be. The hard joy has--WILL--make me whole.
