Just Show Up!

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"It is starting that is essential when we face a difficult task." Tonight, as I read these words so eloquently penned by my dear friend, Kathy, I was reminded of something my dad used to say to me. Whenever I was nervous about something, or dreading it more than anything in the world, my dad would say, "Ab, all you gotta do is show up. Just show up, and let God do the rest." What a great reminder for my trembling heart! Too often, I am focused on the hows and whys of what I am about to do, losing sight of the One who "delights in every detail of my life" (Psalm 37:23), the One who will most certainly take care of the hows and whys in His perfect timing. As another dear friend, Rebecca, was reminding me this past week, sometimes all God asks is that I take the next step. Often that next step will be right into stormy water...and yet He still calls me to take it, believing that He will part the sea.

This week, as I begin a new season in my training to be a nurse, I will be stepping out into stormy water. I am nervous...I am excited...I am eager to see God show up as I trust Him to give me the strength to finish what we started together! I am resting in these wise words from my friends tonight, and tomorrow I will take my dad's wonderful advice once again: I'm gonna show up and let God do the rest!

What about you, friend? Where is God asking you to take the next step...to just show up and allow Him to do the rest? As I'm praying for strength for my next step tomorrow, I am also praying for yours!

Facing the Lion of Fear

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When I was little, I was afraid of everything. If you knew me back then, you would know I am not kidding. Not kidding. I would lay in bed at night, staring out the window at the moon and wondering...What if someone climbed in the window? What if the house burned down and I couldn't get out in time? What if I got sick or had a heart attack? I lived my young life scared. Even when I overcame a particular fear--out of necessity, not out of choice--I didn't revel in victory. I lived in the oppressive state of fear...of distrust in a God I doubted to be good.

As I have grown in relationship with Jesus, I have come to know Him as the good God He proclaims to be. He has comforted me in the shadow of His wings, even while placing me face-to-face with the vicious lions of fear attacking my heart. I haven't always liked it...actually, scratch that. I've never liked facing the lions. But every single time He has directed me to face a lion, He has never failed to amaze me with His power over each and every fear that seeks to turn my heart away from Him in distrust.

"Fear keeps life small. The music dies and the joy drains. I've lived the strangle. What if I opened the clenched hands wide to receive all that is? A life that receives all of God in this moment?" (from One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp). I have lived a small life. I, too, have lived the strangle. I have cried tears of apprehension when faced with the diving board, all the while missing the exhilarating experience of slapping into the cool water and being enveloped by the joy of tasting the moment. I have moaned for hours on end, pleading with God to spare my life, all the while missing the life He has given me. Thankfully, God has opened my clenched hands. He has put me in front of the lions, requiring me to square off with the foe He knows will never defeat me. But, there are always new lions to face. And because God knows that our faith blooms as we find Him present in the struggle again and again, the lions often seem to get bigger and bigger...and yet, as we defeat them, they become smaller and smaller.

The past couple of weeks, I have given in to the strangle. My "lion" may sound silly--but aren't all lions ridiculous figments of our imagination? Aren't all fears irrational? Well, I have been scared--truly anxious--about my clinical experience next quarter. I've listened to the rumble {and wavered like Peter}. My assigned instructor was said to be a scary person, a scary person who supposedly makes the clinical experience a heart-death-inducer. I listened, and I wavered. I--momentarily--forgot to remember, to recount His faithfulness {like, what He did for me HERE}. I became Israel...stubborn in her forgetfulness.

Thankfully, God lifted me out of the water and whispered in my ear, "You of little faith...why did you doubt?!" Oh, friends. I am here to say..."Truly He is the Son of God." Today, after wrestling with God for days about this...after facing the lion and being reminded that God is for me {and if God is for me, who can be against me?!}...I found out that I will no longer be having said assigned instructor.

I don't always expect God to remove the source of my fear. In fact, I'm not sure He has ever done so in my life before....and I'm thankful He hasn't, because my faith in Him has grown as He has asked me to spear the lion {even while I quiver in my boots}. My clenched hands have been opened wide to receive all that is, to receive every gift of His...even the hard days and moments when I must remind myself over and over again of His forever faithfulness.

I am here to testify..."Fear keeps life small." Please don't live the small life, cowering from lions that are hardly a nuisance to the God who holds you in the very palm of His hand. Please don't follow my example and listen to the rumble, allowing the pressures of this life or those around you to turn your gaze from His face. Instead, join me in opening wide the clenched hands, in receiving the gift of this moment--every moment, whether it be good or seemingly bad--from the God who delights in you.

My NEXT STEP

If you have been reading this blog long enough, you may have seen THIS post. Or maybe you remember me writing the following words (nearly a year and a half ago!):

When I was little, my parents used to say to us kids all the time, "We would much rather you live in Africa serving God than for you to live next door serving your own desires." I remember thinking, "Africa! That is the last place I want to go!" I could not imagine willingly placing myself somewhere wild, a place teeming, I was sure, with wild animals and all sorts of other scary things. As I got older, it wasn't so much that a desire to AVOID the unknown prevailed my dreams. Rather, I just didn't HAVE any desire to travel or serve overseas. To serve? Yes. God impressed upon my heart a deep desire to serve sometime toward the beginning of high school. I didn't see myself like I saw my sister, though. My sister is brave and daring, always trying new things and loving them. I can never predict what my sister is going to do next (can she?), but I do know she will do it with zest and beautiful capability. While I can just get by in the realm of learning new languages, she thrives. I always believed that God would use me somewhere in my comfort zone, somewhere HERE, in the states.

Funny how God works. Don't freak out, mom. I'm not flying to Africa. I have just noticed that God is shifting my heart. God is pretty good at that. Think about it...Saul, a persecutor of Christians, becomes the leader of the early Christian church. David, a shepherd boy who tends to flocks of sheep, becomes the ruler of an entire nation of people. Abraham, a man with no heir, becomes the father of a nation. God puts people in positions of complete dependence on Him. God chooses people to do incredible work they are incapable of doing on their own, if only they will cooperate. I don't know about you, but I want to be a part of the big work God has planned. I don't want to look back and say, "Man! I wish I had had the ears to hear. I wish I had said yes. I wish I had followed that still, small voice telling me where to go." I know that God will accomplish His work, with or without me, but I don't want someone else doing work God has asked ME to do! So I'm trying to learn to be a visionary, to trust God even when He begins calling me somewhere or some way I am incapable of going.

I am incapable of serving God in Africa, in India, in Russia, in Mexico. I'm just wondering if God is saying, "Hmmm. Abigail will need a LOT of help if I send her THERE." He could easily call me to serve here, but I feel Him changing my heart. When I know that He will be with me every step of the way, wow! What a beautiful transformation, and one I welcome. I feel like I am coming to a place in my relationship with Him where I can say, "Where He leads, I WILL FOLLOW...even if it sounds absurd, or too hard, or just plain silly...I WILL FOLLOW." Will you?

Yes, God has been working on my heart, taking me on a new journey. I do not know where that journey will lead or where I will end up, but I wanted to share with you the NEXT STEP I am planning to take as I seek to FOLLOW Jesus into BROKENNESS, for surely "'it is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick...'" (Mark 2:17).

In June, I will be heading to Guatemala, a country located south of Mexico in Central America. I am going with a group from Hope Church and Caring Partners International, a medical missions organization.


If I'm going to be honest, and you know I am, I really don't know much about this land or the beautiful people that occupy it. Furthermore, I don't necessarily feel drawn to this land or these people. To Africa? Yes. Guatemala? Not really. At least, not yet. I am praying that God will burden my heart and put a fire in my bones for this land and these people. Despite a lack of "passion" for Guatemala (at first), I felt incredibly drawn to this journey, and every day I inch closer to our departure, my heart jumps a little higher. I am BELIEVING that God will work miracles in my heart during this 9 day trip, knowing that "He who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion..." (Phil. 1:6). I am also thrilled to have the chance to use what I am learning in nursing school to serve "the least of these."


We will be running free medical clinics in partnership with local churches located both in Guatemala City and Parramos. I am trusting God to provide everything I need--spiritually, mentally, physically, and financially--to do His work in Guatemala. I am also trusting God wholeheartedly to work powerfully in me and through me while I am there.

Part of the excitement beginning to well up inside of me stems from a beautiful gift I received for Christmas from my Aunt. She lovingly put together an anticipatory scrapbook of my time in Guatemala, complete with the beautiful photos you are looking at (from the N*tion*l Geogr*ph*c website) and handmade items from Guatemala to share with children I meet on my trip. As I paged through the book, I couldn't help but feel EXCITED about the journey I am preparing to take. Although this is a month overdue, THANK YOU SO MUCH, Aunt Lisa, for giving me such a beautiful gift! I can't wait to add my own pictures and thoughts to the scrapbook! Also, thank you to those who have joined me on this journey through prayer and financial support...I can't wait to share more with you as the time for my departure nears!

Today I imagined my world without a Savior...

I sat through my very last lecture in a psychosocial nursing class, the discourse covering eating disorders. I've always wondered what my life would look like without Jesus, and I can't help but wonder if I would be in this place:

Shriveled
heart and
spirit scarred by
years of trying to
please the girl in the
MIRROR

Who
is she?
the image of
the tempests storming her
life barely filling out her
REFLECTION

Control
insufficiently attained
through counted calories
and lost pant sizes
while hollow, haunted eyes scream
HELP

Are you ever just aware of the pain consuming the world spinning around you? I am broken by the breaking I see, knowing that the Healer is waiting, arms outstretched, to be called upon.

Oh the joy, to be a Broken in the hands of the Healer...to then be a Restored that can be cracked by the hurts of more Brokens...so that the light of the Healer can illuminate and restore them too.

Are you cracked by the hurting world around you?