Facing the Lion of Fear

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When I was little, I was afraid of everything. If you knew me back then, you would know I am not kidding. Not kidding. I would lay in bed at night, staring out the window at the moon and wondering...What if someone climbed in the window? What if the house burned down and I couldn't get out in time? What if I got sick or had a heart attack? I lived my young life scared. Even when I overcame a particular fear--out of necessity, not out of choice--I didn't revel in victory. I lived in the oppressive state of fear...of distrust in a God I doubted to be good.

As I have grown in relationship with Jesus, I have come to know Him as the good God He proclaims to be. He has comforted me in the shadow of His wings, even while placing me face-to-face with the vicious lions of fear attacking my heart. I haven't always liked it...actually, scratch that. I've never liked facing the lions. But every single time He has directed me to face a lion, He has never failed to amaze me with His power over each and every fear that seeks to turn my heart away from Him in distrust.

"Fear keeps life small. The music dies and the joy drains. I've lived the strangle. What if I opened the clenched hands wide to receive all that is? A life that receives all of God in this moment?" (from One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp). I have lived a small life. I, too, have lived the strangle. I have cried tears of apprehension when faced with the diving board, all the while missing the exhilarating experience of slapping into the cool water and being enveloped by the joy of tasting the moment. I have moaned for hours on end, pleading with God to spare my life, all the while missing the life He has given me. Thankfully, God has opened my clenched hands. He has put me in front of the lions, requiring me to square off with the foe He knows will never defeat me. But, there are always new lions to face. And because God knows that our faith blooms as we find Him present in the struggle again and again, the lions often seem to get bigger and bigger...and yet, as we defeat them, they become smaller and smaller.

The past couple of weeks, I have given in to the strangle. My "lion" may sound silly--but aren't all lions ridiculous figments of our imagination? Aren't all fears irrational? Well, I have been scared--truly anxious--about my clinical experience next quarter. I've listened to the rumble {and wavered like Peter}. My assigned instructor was said to be a scary person, a scary person who supposedly makes the clinical experience a heart-death-inducer. I listened, and I wavered. I--momentarily--forgot to remember, to recount His faithfulness {like, what He did for me HERE}. I became Israel...stubborn in her forgetfulness.

Thankfully, God lifted me out of the water and whispered in my ear, "You of little faith...why did you doubt?!" Oh, friends. I am here to say..."Truly He is the Son of God." Today, after wrestling with God for days about this...after facing the lion and being reminded that God is for me {and if God is for me, who can be against me?!}...I found out that I will no longer be having said assigned instructor.

I don't always expect God to remove the source of my fear. In fact, I'm not sure He has ever done so in my life before....and I'm thankful He hasn't, because my faith in Him has grown as He has asked me to spear the lion {even while I quiver in my boots}. My clenched hands have been opened wide to receive all that is, to receive every gift of His...even the hard days and moments when I must remind myself over and over again of His forever faithfulness.

I am here to testify..."Fear keeps life small." Please don't live the small life, cowering from lions that are hardly a nuisance to the God who holds you in the very palm of His hand. Please don't follow my example and listen to the rumble, allowing the pressures of this life or those around you to turn your gaze from His face. Instead, join me in opening wide the clenched hands, in receiving the gift of this moment--every moment, whether it be good or seemingly bad--from the God who delights in you.