My heart is heavy this morning, for so very many reasons. Last night, I dreamed of babies lost and families broken, of mamas with no way of caring for their little ones. What a broken world we live in, friends. I open the paper and read of tragedy after tragedy. I enter the blog world, only to be reminded that today is Orphan Sunday. The very fact that we have to have such a day brings tears to my eyes.
Even as I sit here with my cup of coffee and heaping dose of sorrow, I think it is good sometimes to be reminded. It is good for me to sit in this deep, deep sadness that Jesus must feel every time he glances down this way. It is good to remember that this world is an ugly place, twisted and scarred and beaten down by sin. And yet, God embraced me with His perfect grace by imprinting a familiar chorus in my head, even as I first opened my eyes:
He is alive and we are free. He is alive and we have found our peace, our King has come.***
Today, I mourn with the broken. God has formed me in such a way that I physically hurt when those I love hurt. And although at times it seems like it would be easier if I was able to callously brush off the hurt and pain of others, I know that God created me this way for a reason. So today, as I sit in the ashes of sorrow seemingly burying the ones He loves, I will sing this song from the top of my lungs. He is alive and we are free...Free from the reign of sin. He is alive and we have found our peace...Even in the midst of brokenness, I can rest assured in knowing that this ugly, broken world is not the end. Our king has come...
Our King is here, among us, mourning alongside us...reminding us that today is not the end. The battle may seem to wage on, but He has already claimed His victory.
Our King has come.
***lyrics from "Our King has Come," by Elevation Worship
You know those crazy school projects that keep you working through the night and leave you at your wits end? My little brother had one of those today/tonight, and I'm pretty sure it was a painful reminder to him (and my mom and I) of why every kid needs a dad. Sigh. Thankfully, a friend (AKA catapult-builder-extraordinaire/surrogate dad) came to the rescue after my desperate, late-night SOS. Reminder: you don't necessarily have to travel across the ocean to love a fatherless child. Tonight=case-in-point
Have you ever received a gift that you were through-the-roof excited about? I have gotten several generous gifts in my lifetime, but a few stick out to me as being truly precious and perfect for me at the stage in which I was living. I remember when I was about eight or nine unwrapping a large box holding a piano keyboard , probably to a chorus of squeals and shouts that would have seemed out of place had you not known my budding love for piano music.
There really is something truly special about a meaningful gift, isn't there?! But what is it that makes a gift meaningful? Could it be that a gift is only as meaningful as the perfection of its timing?
Imagine what it would have been like if I had opened that keyboard gift at age two instead of age eight. I would have had no clue what to do with the black and white keys, much less how to expertly play them or truly appreciate their beauty and significance. Likewise, I would not be nearly as excited to open that same gift today.
Behind every meaningful gift, including God's gifts to us, is an incredibly intentional timing. The psalmist says, "You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I'm far away" (Psalm 139:2). If God knows the number of hairs on our heads and every thought that crosses our minds, don't you think He is probably acutely aware of our deepest desires and longings?
It is a deeply ingrained part of our sinful nature to assume that God is withholding our best from us. And maybe He is...but could it be that even the withholding is in our best interest? Maybe He is saving some of His most precious gifts to us for a time in our lives when they will hold the most meaning.
Are you aching for something today? Living with that gnawing desire that just won't ease up? Instead of doubting God's heart for you, remind yourself that, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights" (James 1:17). Yes, maybe He is withholding from you that thing you most deeply desire. Maybe, just MAYBE, He is saving it for a day when you will understand its meaning in the deepest, most intimate way possible...a day when you will rip open that tissue paper and jump up and down, squealing in delight with abundant thanksgiving because that gift inside the box is perfect for you RIGHT THEN.
After all, God is never early and He is never late. And neither are his gifts.
This past weekend, I had the great privilege (for the second time) of going to this conference. Wow. It was just as good as the last time I went! Dr. Karyn Purvis is an incredible teacher with a mission that I truly believe was ordained by God. She has brought hope and healing to so many foster/adoptive families in their greatest times of need and desperation.
I realize that there is very little--okay, nothing--that can truly prepare you for the incredible challenge/privilege of loving "kids from hard places." However, the thing that impacted me most this year was how necessary it is to examine your own heart and plow through your "junk" before jumping into the journey of foster care/adoption. Dr. Purvis talked about how impossible it is to lead someone on the path to healing when you haven't even begun to find the way yourself.
She also asked the hard question, "What is/was your motivation in adopting/fostering?" She read the reasons many teenagers gave as to why their parents chose to adopt them. Ouch. They were very painful to hear (Examples: "It was the good Christian thing to do," "I was the 'mission project,'" "They thought they could save me," etc.). Dr. Purvis talked about how research has shown that the majority of adoptive/foster parents and those doing orphan care in general have the "insecure avoidant" attachment style...meaning they are very good at meeting physical needs but cannot or do not deal with the deep emotional needs that these kids often have. She has found that many people have a passion for or desire to protect vulnerable children because they were once (or are currently) vulnerable themselves. Ultimately, it is the job of the parent to work through his or her own past and current motivations for adopting. Otherwise, he or she may find that a wall of past hurts and unmet expectations stands between the child and the parent, preventing true healing and wholeness. Wow. I am so thankful that God has me in a place of muddling through my "junk," no matter how difficult or painful that place may be...because ultimately, by working through this stuff, I will be freed to be fully present in the lives of hurting kids and better equipped to lead them on a journey to full healing.
Finally, Dr. Purvis really emphasizes the reality that EVERY child who is available to come into our homes through foster care/adoption comes with hurt. It doesn't matter if that child was picked up as a newborn from the hospital or from an orphanage at age 18. God's original design was for a child to be loved and nurtured by a stable, biological family. Adoption is beautiful, but it is ALWAYS birthed out of pain. Dr. Purvis urges potential foster/adoptive parents to prepare for the emotional hurts of foster/adoptive children in the same way that one would prepare for a child coming into the home with a physical handicap. If I knew I was going to give birth to a child with down syndrome, or HIV, or hydrocephalus, do you think I would be reading and studying and talking to experts about these issues and what to expect in parenting a child with those unique challenges? You better believe I would be! She really stressed how important it is to do the same in preparing for the deep emotional wounds that can (and most likely will) surface.
I don't know what God has in store for me in regard to caring for His children, but I do know that I am doing and will continue to do everything I can to prepare to meet that calling with a heart wide open. My hope is to attend this conference once a year as I am able...I don't think you can hear this stuff too much! And I will continue to read, study, talk to experts, and process my own "issues." More than anything I continue to pray that God would reveal any unhealthy motivations that entangle my heart, and that He would bring me to a place of health and wholeness so that I can be His instrument in leading a precious child of God on the same journey.
I would encourage any foster/adoptive parent (or potential foster/adoptive parent) to attend this conference. SERIOUSLY. I know I have no expertise to stand on, but I really think this conference should be a prerequisite to foster care/adoption = ) That's just my 2 cents, anyway. And I heard a rumor that TCU Institute of Child Development (where Dr. Purvis teaches) now has a master's program in trust-based relational intervention (the strategies and research she teaches at the ETC conferences). Um, sign me up?
This post will be a rather short explanation on how I came to my decision to stop eating meat. Both of my sisters have been vegetarian for quite some time now, so I have heard first hand testimonies from both of them on the benefits they have experienced from ditching meat. I had been wanting to try the vegetarian thing for a while, as I have had weird digestive and "female" issues for years now and had heard from my sisters that quitting the meat thing had changed a lot in those areas for them. However, I have spent the last 3 years living with different people and didn't think it would be fair to hoist such restrictions on them. Plus, who wants to think about such things while muddling through nursing school? So, I only recently gave it a try.
And seriously. No meat=issues are gone. Incredible.
I have to add that I also watched a documentary that is really interesting...it addresses different scientific research that talks about what animal products do to the human body. This definitely wasn't the only reason, or even the main reason, why I chose to stop eating meat. But it is something to think about, and maybe look into more.
