Empowered to Connect

This past weekend, I had the great privilege (for the second time) of going to this conference. Wow. It was just as good as the last time I went! Dr. Karyn Purvis is an incredible teacher with a mission that I truly believe was ordained by God. She has brought hope and healing to so many foster/adoptive families in their greatest times of need and desperation. 
I realize that there is very little--okay, nothing--that can truly prepare you for the incredible challenge/privilege of loving "kids from hard places." However, the thing that impacted me most this year was how necessary it is to examine your own heart and plow through your "junk" before jumping into the journey of foster care/adoption. Dr. Purvis talked about how impossible it is to lead someone on the path to healing when you haven't even begun to find the way yourself. 
She also asked the hard question, "What is/was your motivation in adopting/fostering?" She read the reasons many teenagers gave as to why their parents chose to adopt them. Ouch. They were very painful to hear (Examples: "It was the good Christian thing to do," "I was the 'mission project,'" "They thought they could save me," etc.). Dr. Purvis talked about how research has shown that the majority of adoptive/foster parents and those doing orphan care in general have the "insecure avoidant" attachment style...meaning they are very good at meeting physical needs but cannot or do not deal with the deep emotional needs that these kids often have. She has found that many people have a passion for or desire to protect vulnerable children because they were once (or are currently) vulnerable themselves. Ultimately, it is the job of the parent to work through his or her own past and current motivations for adopting. Otherwise, he or she may find that a wall of past hurts and unmet expectations stands between the child and the parent, preventing true healing and wholeness. Wow. I am so thankful that God has me in a place of muddling through my "junk," no matter how difficult or painful that place may be...because ultimately, by working through this stuff, I will be freed to be fully present in the lives of hurting kids and better equipped to lead them on a journey to full healing.
Finally, Dr. Purvis really emphasizes the reality that EVERY child who is available to come into our homes through foster care/adoption comes with hurt. It doesn't matter if that child was picked up as a newborn from the hospital or from an orphanage at age 18. God's original design was for a child to be loved and nurtured by a stable, biological family. Adoption is beautiful, but it is ALWAYS birthed out of pain. Dr. Purvis urges potential foster/adoptive parents to prepare for the emotional hurts of foster/adoptive children in the same way that one would prepare for a child coming into the home with a physical handicap. If I knew I was going to give birth to a child with down syndrome, or HIV, or hydrocephalus, do you think I would be reading and studying and talking to experts about these issues and what to expect in parenting a child with those unique challenges? You better believe I would be! She really stressed how important it is to do the same in preparing for the deep emotional wounds that can (and most likely will) surface. 
I don't know what God has in store for me in regard to caring for His children, but I do know that I am doing and will continue to do everything I can to prepare to meet that calling with a heart wide open. My hope is to attend this conference once a year as I am able...I don't think you can hear this stuff too much! And I will continue to read, study, talk to experts, and process my own "issues." More than anything I continue to pray that God would reveal any unhealthy motivations that entangle my heart, and that He would bring me to a place of health and wholeness so that I can be His instrument in leading a precious child of God on the same journey. 
I would encourage any foster/adoptive parent (or potential foster/adoptive parent) to attend this conference. SERIOUSLY. I know I have no expertise to stand on, but I really think this conference should be a prerequisite to foster care/adoption = ) That's just my 2 cents, anyway. And I heard a rumor that TCU Institute of Child Development (where Dr. Purvis teaches) now has a master's program in trust-based relational intervention (the strategies and research she teaches at the ETC conferences). Um, sign me up?