Reaping Hope from Desperation

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I remember the day like the back of my eyelids in a slumberous sleep. I stood in my Dad's classroom, eyes fixed on the portrait continuously flashing across the TV screen. I was 12. A young girl, only a few years older than me, had been kidnapped at knifepoint. My worst nightmare had become someone else's reality. The footage, on replay, felt like a blade to MY throat.

It is amazing how events impress themselves on the human brain, changing lives in ways unexpected. Just a few images can live inside the human brain for a lifetime. Today, those images--nearly a decade old--came flooding back. Elizabeth Smart's kidnapper faced sentencing today and, just like that, the storybook of her tragedy slammed shut. At least in the world's eyes.

From one headline to the next, I find tears spilling over my cheeks. I read about two little boys, instantly snatched from their mother's loving arms into the death grip of a fierce tornado. I look at satellite photos of Joplin, Missouri...the astonishing before and after pictures that scream of damage too great to ever see total repair. I sit next to a woman at school, a woman grieving over the ravaging effects of a deadly cancer on her family. I watch another friend walk the hard road to recovery after a devastating allergic reaction. I read the pained words of a mother who just gave her infant son his last bath, cradling him as he said goodbye to this world.

So much pain. So much brokenness. So much death.

And then I read: "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have" (1 Peter 3:15).

Hope? God, where do I find hope in all this mess? How do I face a grieving father of two dead little boys and whisper tales of hope? How do I convey such a scandalous message in the face of such despair?

The pictures...the interviews...the tears...
They all remind me.

The happy don't pine for hope. The unbroken don't go searching for Super Glue. The healthy don't sell all they have for a cure. Jesus came to heal the broken. To give hope to the hopeless, help to the helpless. There is no greater time than now to raise this lantern of hope, to magnify the name of Jesus before a dying world.

"Always be prepared to give an answer..." Oh Lord Jesus, give me the words...the servant hands...the tender and gracious heart...to share your eternity-transforming hope with a lost and desperate generation.

A Quiet Epidemic

In America,
63% of youth suicides
71% of pregnant teenagers
70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions
85% of all youth who exhibit behavior disorders
71% of high school dropouts
85% of teenagers in prison

...come from fatherless homes.

Recently, I finished reading the book Fatherless Generation, by John Sowers. While I was saddened by the above statistics that greeted me within the first few pages of the book, I was even more saddened by my lack of surprise at Sowers' grim account of the pandemic of fatherlessness in America. Shouldn't statistics like these shock me?! Shouldn't I be appalled?!

The reality is, I see these statistics every day. I go to school with these statistics. I sit next to these statistics in church. I counsel these statistics every week at the local crisis pregnancy center. I goof off with these statistics every Sunday night at youth group functions. I pass these statistics in the grocery, on the street, at the post office. These statistics...are faces. They are names. They are real, live, hurting people. And somehow, I become numb to the faces, to the wound that has assailed them all...the wound called fatherlessness. Familylessness.

As I read the last page of Sowers' book and shut the cover, I was bewildered, confused even. How did we get to this place? Where do we go from here? What does all this mean for me? Is there any way to redeem the brokenness that has scarred millions of lives?

I was blessed with 18 years of life under the love and guardianship of an incredible dad. I never wondered if I was loved or protected. I was always tucked in at night, hugged and kissed and played with...by a dad who loved Jesus more than life itself.

What must it be like to grow up without a daddy? Worse still, what must it be like to grow up without a daddy OR a mommy?

Honestly, I cannot even begin to fathom what these kids (and now men and women) have faced...and are still facing. I know the pain of missing my dad, of missing the many roles that he once filled to overflowing in my life. I know the pain of longing for his strength and love and protection. But I cannot begin to comprehend what it must be like to have never known a loving parent.

Which leaves me with the question...what do I do? What do WE do? What does the Church do? Is there any redemption to be found, any hope for these lives buried in brokenness and pain?

It would be easy for me to pass the buck on to someone else. After all, I'm a 21-year-old girl, for crying out loud! The world says I should be living it up, drinking away my weekends and sleeping away my week days. It's not that easy, though.

I have been confronted with a burden, a glimpse into brokenness. And now that I have seen, I am responsible.

Powerful video

One of the most powerful videos I've seen in a while...

God, give me your heart for your children...so much so that I am moved to act on your behalf.

Rest...and a deep conviction

So much to say...so much on my mind. I'm enjoying the forced stillness required by an airport layover. Take a guess where I've been : )

Quiet Waters Park...so beautiful!

After a long, busy couple of weeks (with some hard days thrown in there) I was given the gift of a sabbath-rest kind of trip to Annapolis, MD, where a dear friend currently resides.
Do you ever just LONG for a renewed spirit, for the kind of rest that allows your heart to breath deeply and sigh in exclamation? I'm learning how important it is to answer that call. After all, God commanded us to rest...perhaps he knew we would need the command in a culture that lures us into the vortex of busyness. And while I didn't need to fly across the country to find rest, I was privileged to be able to do just that!

As I sipped coffee while also soaking in the breeze off the water, I was overwhelmed by God's gracious provision of soul-deep rest.

The view I enjoyed on my morning walks

I'm convinced sunsets are a love-kiss from the Creator himself! And I'm partial to sunsets over the water!
Can you guess where my friend recently graduated from?

If you guessed the US Naval Academy, you would be correct = ) She had to work the football game, so I got to take in all the festivities from the stands.

Other trip highlights included a DC day trip, dinner at a local hole-in-the-wall situated on the water (incredible crab cakes!), times of prayer together for dear friends facing various trials, a morning of thanksgiving and reflection remembering God's faithfulness to both of us throughout the past year, lots of walks enjoying beautiful fall weather, and a soak in a bubbly jacuzzi. I know, I am incredibly blessed!

As I spent some time reflecting on the abundance of things I had to be thankful for this year (while also listening to the lapping of waves), I was overwhelmed with a deep gratitude for the perspective God has given me in the past year. Perspective is not always fun, and it can be incredibly lonely, but it is always good...especially when it is God's perspective. I'm not sure I can accurately express what I mean, but please hang with me as I try to convey what has been weighing on my heart. Two years ago, I was faced with the brokenness of this world in a totally new way...a way I would have preferred not to meet. Through my dad's illness and death, my eyes were opened to a whole new world. It was like I had been seeing the stage before, only now the curtain had been whipped aside and I was seeing the mess of backstage in bright light as well. Many people don't understand my new perspective. Some people understand all too well. While I don't always appreciate the new lens through which I see the world, it has forever changed my life and the way I face each day.

Yesterday, my friend and I visited the Holocaust museum in Washington, D.C...a very powerful experience, to say the least. Unfortunately, the use of cameras is prohibited, or I would have taken pictures to share with you.

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out --
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out --
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out --
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me -- and there was no one left to speak for me.

~Martin Niemoller (engraved on wall of Holocaust museum)

I was deeply, deeply disturbed by what I saw, but the thing that saddened me the most really had little to do with the past. As I walked by gruesome image after gruesome image, and read about how very few people were actually brave enough to stand up to the horrors they knew were going on WHILE they were going on, I was gripped with the reality that the same thing is happening today. We mourn the abomination of the Holocaust and condemn the people who caused so much death and tribulation, and rightly we should. And yet today, there are millions of people starving to death, simply because they live THERE and we live here. There are more young girls than we can even count being used as sex slaves, girls who long ago gave up hope of rescue. There are children being orphaned every day because their parents did not have access to drugs we hand out like candy here. There are thousands upon thousands of people who will die tomorrow, simply because they had no access to clean drinking water. And on and on and on. The truly sickening reality is this: When faced with such horrors, IF we are faced with them, we turn away. We click the red X, we punch the POWER button, we close our eyes. Just like they did.

The question that haunts me is this:

WHAT WILL IT TAKE?

What will it take for people to wake up? To stand up and take action? As God's people, we should be in the front lines of those seeking to bring justice to this world. With the new perspective God has given me, I am very well aware that the world will be a broken place until Christ Himself makes it new. However, we are called to be His image bearers, to be a light to a dark world. To seek justice, to stand up for the oppressed. To play a part in bringing restoration and healing to the brokenness. We are sleeping, though.

There were many times in that Holocaust tour that I was sorely tempted to close my eyes. The images were piercing and will forever be imprinted on my heart. As I am faced with current needs, with the many desperations that scar the world today, there are also times I want to close my eyes, to ignore brokenness that overwhelms a world I want to pretend is perfect. God calls us to live with open eyes, though. To ignore the urge to shout "lalalalala" when we get uncomfortable. To reach past our own relatively easy lives, to educate ourselves and our children about the needs in the world. To stand up for the broken.

I could easily get overwhelmed. There is so much brokenness, too much hurt for me to even comprehend. But God doesn't call us to be saviors...He calls us to be open to His work, to seek out His work and join Him in it. Brokenness is not a thing of the past, or a thing on the other side of the world...Brokenness is on your doorstep, in your churches, throughout your workplaces. Brokenness is everywhere, in many different guises. Will you close your eyes to it, shout "lalalala," and continue to live in the plush comfort of your own little world? Or will you be one of the few to stand up, to raise your hands in surrender and say, "I'LL go...USE me, God, to play a part in bringing your kingdom here on earth"? The choice is ours to make.

"Don't excuse yourself by saying, 'Look, we didn't know.' For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve" (Proverbs 24:12).

I'll leave you with one more picture from my trip...while I could go on (I'm in a chatty mood, I know...), I am entering a Thanksgiving technology fast.

So farewell Maryland (I really enjoyed everything you had to offer!), farewell all, and Happy Thanksgiving!

This is a global reality...

...what can we do about it?

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