Tonight, as I was driving home in the dark, I realized that I had allowed the illusion of surrender to give me a false sense of humility before God. It's like I am headed out on a divine road trip with God, and I say, "Wherever you want to take me...I'm game!" Only thing is, I have a pretty good idea of where I want to be going, so I add, "Well, Florida's lookin' pretty good, though...or maybe Montana? I've heard there's good skiing out there." Then, daunted by the idea that God just might take me to somewhere like Iowa {where, by the way, the cornfields just might swallow me whole}, I say, "You know what, here's the map, complete with step by step instructions on how to get to where I want to go...On the bottom, you'll see the full itinerary! Don't forget to stop for gas, though!" Fake surrender.
Honestly, there is a part of me that wants to settle for a "Saul"...for easy fulfillment, for a quick fix to my deepest desires. Sometimes I find myself saying, "God, I'm tired of waiting. Can you just give me what I want, even if it's not best?" Oh Lord, save me. I don't want to settle for less than God's best...I want to give the wheel--and the map--completely to Him. Hands off, I'm outta here. Even if that means I have to wait longer than is comfortable. Even if it means I end up in the cornfields of Iowa instead of the thrilling mountains of Montana. Even if it means I have to be on 'standby' while seemingly everyone else is hopping on a plane to their ultimate destination. Complete surrender.
Somewhere along that road I believe there is an insurmountable joy and peace to be found...and I want to find it.
2 comments:
"God never withholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good. God's refusals are always merciful -- "severe mercies" at times but mercies all the same. God never denies us our hearts desire except to give us something better." ~Elisabeth Elliot
I'm so there. Love you!
What a powerful quote! Thanks for sharing = )
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