I used to think that missing you would get easier as more time passed. I am learning that in some ways it only gets harder as the weeks and months and years roll by. As life moves on without you, I often find myself wishing that I could call you on the phone, share stories with you, gain perspective from your wisdom. I wish that I could introduce you to all the new people I have met that never got the chance to know you. I wish I could run into your embrace when the days get long and responsibilities get harder. Most of the time I just wish you were here.
Two years ago today I was longing for the end to come, only because I could see the pain that overwhelmed your body and I wanted you to be free. I wish I could have taken that pain away from you, made your birth into heaven easier. And I wish the haunting memories of those last days did not sometimes push through the thousands of wonderful memories God gave me with you. So today, as I struggle to overcome the terrible memories of two years ago, I wonder what you are doing. I wonder what kind of marvelous work God has given for you to do. I wonder what you would tell us about heaven. 
If God allowed me to sit by your side today, there are so many things I would want to thank you for, so many stories I would want to tell you. One of the things I loved and appreciated most about you was your unending zest for life. Everything a normal person would do, you did with a joy multiplied by 100. While you worked, you whistled. When you sang, you sang louder than anyone else...which used to annoy and embarrass me, but really, you were just offering the fullness of your heart to your Savior. Whenever you talked to anyone, you did it with a big smile on your face and an unmistakable interest in your voice. You had a way of making people feel valued and cared for. When you sat down to a good meal, you always clicked your tongue like you were about to dig into the best thing that ever happened to you. You truly lived more fully than anyone I have ever met.
Daddy, one of the things I loved about you most was how purposefully you led our family. You began each day long before anyone else in the house awoke, sitting in your special chair and spending time with Jesus. You were serious about memorizing Scripture, nearly the entire New Testament by the end of your life, because you knew that the Bible is the best parenting and life guide. You spent hours in prayer for us, pleading with God to tend to our hearts. I will never forget the day, only months before you went to heaven, that you looked at me with tears in your eyes and said, "ASH, make sure you pray for your mom after I'm gone." You loved her so much, and wanted to make sure that someone was covering her in prayer. You treasured and valued time with your family, and made it priority in our home from the very beginning. Dad, you took my hand and guided me gently into the Race, pleading with me to continue on even after you crossed the finish line with flying colors. Many people spend a lifetime with their fathers and never get what I had with you for 19 years. Though I will always wish I had many, many more years by your side, I will never stop praising Jesus for the gift He gave me in you. I love you!Always your daughter,
2 comments:
Dear one, SUCH a perfect tribute! I love you and miss him with you! Mom
I have loved getting a little piece and insight into who your dad was and what he meant to you. He sounds like an incredible person who led your family in a God-honoring way! Praying for you tonight, as you continue to allow the Lord to wrap you up in His arms of safety. Allow Him to hold you tightly!
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