To Kiss Girl Nastiness Goodbye

Remember that time your girlfriend didn't invite you to her party and you felt really left out? I felt that feeling a lot growing up. I was lonely and felt like I didn't really belong anywhere. Thankfully, my mom and dad gave me the best advice they could have possibly given me in times of loneliness and girl drama, and that advice has stuck with me for a long time: Look for the other person who feels left out and become her friend.

Girls are funny. And by funny I mean funny complex. We feel unable, or perhaps not allowed, to communicate in the aggressive way boys communicate anger {with fists and shouts}, so we instead harbor grudges and use the undercover weapons of gossip, rumors, and backstabbing. We talk to her but not her. We invite her but not her...making sure she knows she's not invited. We use friendship as a weapon. And despite the many battle tactics wielded by the mean girl, everyone still wants to be one of the chosen elect that form her group of friends...we need affirmation that much. The sad thing is, girls never seem to grow out of this. We just get better at hiding our nasty undercover aggression, cloaking it in pretend kindness and {fake} smiles.

So what does it mean to be a godly woman, to communicate in a way that pleases God? Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't just stop talking to girls altogether. Sure would be easier...right? Or maybe we should all just live in distant caves, only communicating with grunts when we need food or water. Do we resign ourselves to either fighting the battle or drowning our sorrows in chocolate? If so, I'll take the chocolate, please.

Thanks to my mom and dad, I learned a long time ago that there is another way. There is a higher road, a road that few dare to trod. It is the road that leads to godliness and the kind of heart fulfillment that only He can provide. Godly communication, communication from the heart of a woman who knows her God intimately...that's what I want. I am far from having this foreign language mastered, but I have picked up some hints along the way that I am trying to remember as I seek to walk the higher road:

~Putting someone down gets me nowhere.
~Gossip will only bite the gossiper in the butt.
~She is really not all that...Another words, having my identity tied to whether or not she likes me at the moment is going to lead to a very rocky existence. Having my identity built upon who I am in Christ, however...there is true fulfillment.
~Honesty may be painful but it is always better. I'm not very good at this one...I don't want to rock the boat. I'd rather brush it all under the rug and maintain my perfect image. I LIKE being liked...who doesn't? But sometimes it is better just to get it all out on the table and risk losing a friend or maybe even hurting some feelings...otherwise, all those buried emotions are going to rupture someday, and all you are going to be left with is a whole lot of pain and a big mess that will have resulted in nothing but heartache...a heartache much greater than the one you may have produced if you had just been honest in the first place.
~Using words is way more productive than using covert glances or hand gestures. I can't expect everyone to read my mind {or my face, for that matter}. Sometimes you just gotta come out and SAY it!
~I am NEVER alone. Not only do I have the constant companionship of my Savior and God, there are also many, many people who--guaranteed--feel alone too. Rather than waiting for someone to befriend you, be a friend to someone!
~It is only human to have feelings. However, in Christ I am a new creation...which means I no longer have to be controlled by my feelings. When someone does something that offends or hurts me, I can choose to let that control and guide me {and ruin my day/year/life}, or I can choose to take it to and leave it at the cross. How freeing is that?! By holding grudges or allowing ourselves to feel crushed by something someone else did or said, we are giving them the power to steer us. As a child of the Living God, I want HIM to steer me! *Ahem...I'm not very good at this one either...but I would really like to be!*
~"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth" (1 John 3:18). The best way to combat untruth, and unhealthy communication for that matter, is with actions and truth. I want to live and communicate with such Christ-like maturity and grace that "those who oppose [me] may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about [me]" (Titus 2:8).

What has God taught you about healthy communication from the heart of a woman?