When the Credits Roll

The other day, I was reading some old "thoughts" of mine, and I stumbled upon the following entry...Written almost exactly a year ago, and yet it still resonates with my heart. As I get closer and closer to the end of school (at least, the end of this phase of school), my prayer is that those looking on would see only one name listed when the "credits" roll. As I begin to explore where God will lead me next, my prayer is that my only "role model" will be that humble God-man who, centuries ago, gave up His throne for a towel and foot-basin.

From April 2010:

When the Credits Roll

After reading through blog posts of brothers and sisters around the world, glorying in their adventures and mourning with them in their sorrows, I hit the red X at the top left of my screen prematurely. I can't help it. I don't want to READ more tales of large-scale obedience; I want to live my own story! I want to be the one on the other side of this black box, feeding the hungry and loving the abandoned. I want to be a part of something big, a grand motion picture that leaves the audience weeping when the credits roll! So I climb into my Daddy's lap with that all too eager grin, saying with my face and not my mouth, "Can I, God? Can I?!?!"

And He says "No."

No. Because He knows that, left to my own devices, I would end up in the slum of my own devastated pride. My plans would torch, despite my best intentions to waterproof them. He knows I would leave audiences weeping, but not because of my grand, flawlessly executed schemes to save the day. No, they would be crying because my meager attempts to change the course of history would do nothing. The sick would still be sick. The lost would still be lost. The hungry would only be more hungry. And I pretended I could do what I never can. No happy ending...just the woeful tragedy we all swore we could never handle.

The answer would be "no" because, in His infinite wisdom, He knows that my life is less like a Blockbuster film and more like an epic novel. And I am not the hero. The Hero did not come sweeping in with a cape and a sword like I dream of doing. The Hero landed on a dirty stable floor and let out a lusty scream--a baby. The Hero fell down and scraped His knee, just like the rest of us. The Hero knelt in front of His servants and served them. The Hero was despised and rejected by many people, religious hotshots, and was hung to die with the weight of the world crashing down on His shoulders. I was never the hero, because I'm really the criminal. I only pretend to be the hero every so often (all the time?). He's the Hero, because He did what I could never do--He made a path between God and mankind. He took my death sentence and fulfilled it Himself. And He continues to do what I could never do.

The answer would be no because God is writing my story. He knows the end; I only know what I WANT the end to be. His ending is a lot better than mine. And in time, who knows? Maybe someday I will be the one on the other side of the screen, doing big things and having crazy adventures. Regardless of MY life, one day the sick will be healed, the hungry will be fed, and the lost will be found. Me, the hero of a blockbuster film, though? No, my part in the film, in the epic, is really less than a blip on a radar. And when the credits of my life roll, they will only say:

GOD

Always for His glory,